I don't know why I haven't posted in a while, I've had a lot of drama going on. I feel like I have to carry everyone on my shoulders. I make sure no one walks on anyone, I talk to people and help them understand what people are doing to them is wrong, and I'm the ear that everyone talks to because they know that I have advice and a shoulder and anything under the sun that they may need. I can do all of these things for anyone, I'll be there for anyone,
Except for myself. I allow myself to be pushed down, get stepped on, I get my face rubbed in the dirt, I get my fingers smashed under the forced window sill, forced against my will against a wall until I'm too scared to say no, I get kicked and scratched and shoved and bit, and for god's sake, spat on. I get yelled at, know constantly what it's like to be a disappointment, I'm unappreciated, unrecognized, and just,
Invisible. I might as well be invisible. Everything I do. I try to please you. I'm scared. No, scratch that. I'm TERRIFIED that every second I can't be there for you, that's one more second that someone else is. I'm not good enough. I'm flawed. I'm not smart, I ask too many questions and don't have many answers. Trick questions? All questions are tricks. Tricks for your scheming games to prove to me that you're that much smarter. You never hold my hand. We haven't hugged in ages. The only time you give me attention is when you see another guy treating me better than you ever have. And you know he is. And knowing that someone else is better to me than you just kills you. So you have to prove yourself. Which shows how more of a jerk you are. I kiss you and you literally shrug it off like I'm a disease. Like I contaminated your face with something you don't want,
Like ME. What's wrong with me. People say I'm the most beautiful creature they have ever discovered. Like an unknown butterfly, that out of chance, happened to land on their shoulder. THEIR shoulder. They treat me like I'm some type of goddess. They laugh at everything I say, they smile at everything I say, they admire me just because I "look cute" when I talk. I'm caring. I make sure everyone is happy and having a good time even if I'm not. I seem to be able to please everyone,
Except for you. But if you are the only one I can't please, why am I so compelled to be with you? Why does every dream of mine start with an image of you. Why do I fall to my knees every time you aren't happy because I think I did something wrong? Why do I always long to be closer, even when you're sitting right beside me. Why do I always do as you say, just to stay out of the dog house? Why am I so,
Madly in love with you?
You will be the death of me before there's a death of us.
Meet you In the Rye, Catch.